Mom Says That I’m A Gigolo Like It Is A Bad Thing

Ike Aug 23 2015

Howdy Friends!

It is about time for me address the whole, “Ike is a gigolo” rumor that Mom started at our August show.  I guess Mom got word that once she leaves the show grounds that I have friends of a female persuasion stop by my stall.  First off, if Miss L had not told Mom that Miss R and I were canoodling, Mom would have just gone about her merry way none the wiser to my evening activities.  I need to get a hold of Miss L’s phone – it appears to be the way that information is sent to Mom.

Ike and his new friend Miss R

Ike and his new friend Miss R

Second, can I help it if the attractive ladies like to come and hang out at my stall in the evenings?  It isn’t like I’m sending out invitations.  I’m just minding my own business munching on hay and they come over to say hello.  It would be rude to not to acknowledge them and spend some time visiting…Well, I guess if I am being entirely truthful, I sometimes stare pathetically at them while they are standing in the aisle.  Works like a charm.  If Mom is so worried about me, perhaps she should just consider sleeping in the tack stall. Ha! Like that will ever happen.

Sadly, my selfie buddy Miss M ( ) from the championship show last year is off to college.  Mom tells me college is like having to have a lesson three times a day, five days a week.  Phew, I don’t think I would like college that much.  Sounds like a lot of work to me.  I need to find a way to send Miss M a message to ditch her classes and come hang with me again in October.  If not, maybe Miss R will come to entertain me when Mom and Dad go back to the hotel?! (Hint, hint)

Mom says at our show next weekend that I will not be spending the night at the show grounds.  Humph!  What a meanie.  She says that it is because of the tiny stalls and small half doors on the stalls, but I believe she is trying to be one of those helicopter parents who just want to keep me from having any fun.  So since I will be going home at night,  if you are in the area, please stop by and see me during the day.  There is no reason why we can’t visit when Mom runs to the bathroom for the hundredth time.

In other news, I must say that I am so very happy that August is behind us.  The other horses and I are over the heat, over the humidity, and over the bugs.  We had a herd meeting and have decided that we all want to have our paddocks screened in with big ceiling fans hung to create a constant breeze.  We will also need skylights in the roofs and an irrigation system so that grass will still grow.  None of us have any money, and Mom doesn’t seem like she would be on board with our plan, so can someone help us raise some funds?  Rumor has it that you can ask strangers for money.  We are pretty certain that if we all make sad faces that everyone will feel bad for us and send money.  Oh, by the way, we also want glass panels to help keep our paddocks warmer in the winter.

The really big flies showed up last month.  Since we have no screens yet, we have all had to be creative in how we eradicate them.  I like to let them land and then have Mom slap them really hard.  They are hardy bugs however so sometimes she also has to stomp on them.  My brother has perfected the stop, drop and roll technique.  Jelly just runs really fast.  Sophie bucks, but after they bite her on her belly, she likes to turn over her water trough and then straddle it and scratch her belly.  Joe just crashes into the gate until someone comes to bring him inside.  We will all be glad when they disappear until next year.

We also have bees that like to buzz around my nether regions.  They are in some ways even more annoying than the flies, since Mom and Miss C seem averse to taking a swing at them.  Mom tells me it is because the last time she was stung by a bee on her forehead that she looked like a Star Trek Borg with the top part of her head all puffed up.  I think that sounds pretty funny.

I have also been working very hard to get ready for the last shows of the year.  And, surprisingly, so has Mom.  She has really stepped up her riding and attention span.  She is usually like a dog when it sees a squirrel – easily distracted and a bit goofy.  Slowly, but surely we are learning to do a turn on the haunches.  Since neither one of us had ever done it before, we both were getting confused.  Miss C had to get creative with teaching us the correct movement.  When I get it right, I get a piece of candy, so I’m trying to do it right every time.  Mom gets no candy, so she seems to be learning more slowly than me.  Perhaps I should tell Miss C to start giving Mom a treat as well.

Well, I need to run.  I want to get outside before the bugs wake up.  Until next time everyone, stay cool!



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